Vampire roaches and how to vanquish them

We have electricity rationed from 6:30am to 8:00pm, so while you have it, you use it. Last night I decided that instead of clipping my toenails and wondering whether my girlfriend cried when I left (Cause I didn't see any tears on that pretty face and the whole flight I kept thinking, 'does she really love me' and other deep questions related to life), I would read a book. So I'm lying there and this roach the size of Shrek's thumb makes a brazen dash across my bedsheet towards what could only be my neck (Either that or it was coming to perch on my back and read over my shoulder, which is equally annoying). In super-hero fashion, I swiftly rolled off the bed, eyes still on that bastard and picked up the book I was reading, about to bring it crashing down on that devil spawn. But it was a book on what happened in Zaire with Mobutu and I hadn't even gotten to the good part yet (and by this point I was highly starting to doubt that there was a 'good part' at all), so I hesitated. And the filthy beast paused. Looking at me...Taunting me. Now I was pissed. I dropped the history of Mobutu and Zaire/Congo/Drc and picked up something a lot more appropriate. I rolled up a copy of THE SOURCE and made that roach cry for his mother (or wherever roaches come from; which is probably France cos I couldn't understand what he was saying). Hip Hop is powerful. I beat that bitch til the white meat showed. Afterwards, I watched in satisfaction as it's leg gave a couple of post-expiratory twitches. My breath wasn't raspy any more and my hands had stopped shaking. I even browsed a couple of pages of that magazine. I had committed insecticide. And it felt right.